MAY: I Failed

I wrote something on my Design Your Life planner/journal. Every month, there's a space to write my Power Word/Phrase, Goal Statement, and Anything Goes. And this is what I wrote at the beginning of the month: 

I'm shit scared of working on this biz but heck, let's get this going and make this work. Whew! Launching, testing on candidates tomorrow, May 03, 2021

After doing the above, what followed were some days of doing the work and some days where my interest slowly (actually, quickly) waned. I told myself that maybe I'm one of those who are not cut out for this entrepreneurial life. Maybe I should just stick to working a 9-5. 

Not that there's anything wrong with that especially knowing that being an entrepreneur is working more than a 9-5 job. You're pretty much on call most days. Besides, my job now is barely a 9-5 in a way that I have a super flexible schedule and I'm really thankful for it. I do what I love and it doesn't feel like work at all. 

After several days of researching, looking for clues, doing some half-baked work on the site - I didn't get enough responses from companies I reached out to. Safe to say, I just stopped and got disappointed that my messages went to oblivion. Of course, I know I should have TRIED HARDER. I know I didn't. I just gave up because I didn't like what I was doing. 

But how is that even possible??? I truly liked it at first and I was so determined to push through. I don't know how many days had passed until one day I looked at the financial investment I put into it so far - Php 20,000. Told myself I just wasted money and time. I could have just done the first thing I wanted to do in the first place which was YouTube consulting. 

On the other hand, I also felt that I needed to experience that "failure" and learn from it even though I know that I failed because of me. THAT I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER AND DO BETTER. I didn't want to make any excuses for what happened because I know for sure that it did not work because of ME and no one else. I did not make it happen like I told myself I'd do. It just stopped and suddenly, it's gone. And in the middle of the month, I wrote this: 

I thought that BPO Jobspace is kind of the one but I'm not feeling it. YET? Or is this a sign early on that I should pivot? Or should I stick it out for longer? :( I've been slacking and I feel uncertain.. and stuck. I've had so many ideas but I don't know which way to go. 

Although I'm still upset about my lack of willpower, I just took it as a lesson and moved forward. Because what else can I do? There's no way but up. 

So now, I'm ONTO SOMETHING NEW. But that story is going to be for the next month and the next. 

Anyway. BOOKS. 

I almost gave up on my 1 book per month goal, but I didn't want to add more to my failure so I caught up with reading (in fact, this blog post is already 2 months late). Last month, I had Girlboss.. my next book was Sweet Valley Confidential (10 Years Later) by Francine Pascal. 

I found the book on Shopee via NBS Warehouse Sale and I must say I was so happy I discovered that they're selling online so now I can stop reading ebooks and find my faves online. I've read most of the Sweet Valley books back in high school so I was really excited when I saw Sweet Valley on Shopee. Here's the Shopee Store (affiliate link). 

You might wonder how I was able to afford those books back then. Haha. I didn't. I just borrowed from my friend who had an entire bookshelf of Sweet Valley High, Junior High, Kids, and SVU. Ahhh nostalgic! I might buy the last book I guess. 

Ahh, nothing else I wanna say. That's it for this month. :) 

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