11.11.2020

11.11 AND MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS

 

DECADE STRONG

No, we're not celebrating the nationwide 11.11 Christmas sale. We're officially decade-strong as husband and wife today and I'm starting the day with a blog post. Yeesss!! 

Every blog post I've written this year would usually start with "it's been months since I wrote here.." and I guess I'm gonna start with that again. LOL. 

The last time I published a blog post was April 11 (ohhh, also the 11th!). Then last month, this blog domain was due for renewal. As usual, I contemplated again and again if I should keep it but finally decided to just pay and keep it. That may or may not be the reason I'm updating this blog today. 

Anyway, I never really talk about my marriage and my relationship with my husband anywhere online, especially on social media. I don't even talk about it in detail even in private with my family and friends. Yearsssss ago though, I've shared bits and pieces of our marriage stories with some of my closest friends. I think I even shared some stories with my mother and my sister, though I felt that those were just casual conversations. 

Keeping a lot of things about our marriage private is a decision I've made a long time ago and I'm glad my husband seems to agree because he also never posts about us on social media (which I definitely prefer)... Except for the occasional and VERY RARE photos of us on Facebook, stories about us are kept private.

I figured that the less of an open book we are, the more it'll be easier for us to keep our marriage alive. Ya know, the more people involved in a relationship (or really, the more people who think they're involved in the relationship), the harder it gets to resolve issues. 

BUT THIS, today's blog post is a glimpse of our relationship I guess.. just because it's our 10th anniversary and we should be spending it somewhere nice and warm. But with the pandemic and all, we're here at home, mustering every ounce of patience we have in our super dusty house at the moment (renovations ongoing). 

♥♥♥

Over those 10 years of marriage, I'd like to believe that my husband and I have improved in a lot of aspects. We still fight over mundane and silly things of course, but I think we're both more mature and responsible now - although I'm sure (and my husband would agree) that I've never been irresponsible since Day Zero. LOL. I can already hear my husband say "that's so Rea of you to say" HAHAHA. I'm just telling the truth though. 

In a lot of aspects of our relationship, I certainly believe that I'm right 95.5% of the time. Again, my husband would definitely say "that's so Rea of you" NYAHAHA. Can you now see how narcissistic I can be sometimes? LOL 

But of course, I now know that I'M NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, maybe 70-80%? HAHA. It's really just that I always find a way to make things work and to my husband's defense, he would too - find a way to make things work between us. 

I think I've also learned to go back to my previous way of handling arguments which is to JUST SHUT UP.. because you know, you say things that you're not supposed to say when you're angry. Obviously, there are still 10 years worth of stories to share but maybe it's better to focus on what's good, ayyt??? 

I've read somewhere that a super ambitious woman needs a really really really supportive partner or no partner at all. I'm glad to report that my husband has been really really really supportive of everything I choose to do in life that's within reason and actually even those that are sometimes a bit crazy and risky. 

Without him, I don't think I'll be able to easily pursue my career goals and plans. I've always been an achiever and a goal-oriented person. My husband would say that sometimes I'm going overboard with the strong, independent woman persona. HAHAHA

I've never felt trapped in our marriage. I get to pursue every career opportunity. I get to travel solo and with friends without ever worrying about whether he would allow me or not. If I wanna fly home, I can. If it's within reason, there's no question, I can go wherever and whenever. 

I can paint a wall pink and bright orange if I want to (or maybe not, haha) but I think he would agree and it's no biggie. RIGHT?? I don't want any more kids. WE HAVE ONE and that's enough. (Whew from painting to not having kids, that escalated quickly). But my point is.. he's okay with that. SO PLEASE DON'T ASK ME ANYMORE when I'll have a second kid. HUHU. My husband is like a kid sometimes, so I guess we're good. HEHE

I can pursue my hobbies and go on last-minute trips with friends. I totally despise last-minute trips now though, but sometimes I need to activate my past adventurous self so off I go! I can be myself and haven't felt like I'm only a wife or a mom. I'm my own person. I have a life to live. I have a me-time and this is super important to me. 

Hey, I think I'm pretty good at a lot of things too. I mean I allow him to go out with his friends or ask his friends to come over if he likes?! Food and drinks on me, YEAHAHAH? Whatever, this is NOT a contest. HAHA

Our relationship will always be a work in progress just like any relationships I guess. Nothing's perfect. I get annoyed at him. He gets annoyed at me. There are a lot of things I don't like about him and for sure, he has a list of things he doesn't like about me too. 

We yell at each other sometimes. We fight over non-sense things. We even have totally opposing views on a lot of things. I'm not gonna lie and say we're always okay and happy. 

I think that in marriage, you have to acknowledge that sometimes you're not okay and you're not happy. That you're frustrated, upset, and disappointed. After all, we're not mind-readers. 

Never sleep without resolving your issues. WE NEVER FOLLOW THIS! We definitely sleep without talking to each other. I mean, you do you right? Sometimes, you just have to take the night off and cool down before talking. I don't like forcing him or myself to talk when one of us is still in the heat of the moment. 

I guess moving forward I WILL DO MY BEST to appreciate the little things about us, to stop bringing up the past when we argue, to be MORE PATIENT than I already am (LOL), to chill and just live the NOW and acknowledge that we've been together for 10 YEARS and that's a pretty damn good achievement, ISN'T IT?? 

It's really true when they say that LOVE alone will not keep your marriage alive. You have to do something about that LOVE. You really have to choose to love your partner even in your darkest and most difficult times together. You really have to choose NOT to give up on each other and remember the reasons you chose each other in the first place. 

I'd like to say we're pretty chill. Got married on November 11 with no fancy and grand party BUT MOST importantly, no third party. LOL. Not wearing wedding rings/bands. Not celebrating monthsaries. No gift-giving pretty much. No public declaration of love (though if you do, that's nice too! it's just not us). 

Ten years down, a lifetime to go. I used to tell myself, yeah I got married pretty early in life, what a great way to miss out on the most exciting times ahead. But when I think about it now, there's no sense in thinking backward. We have a simple life and I still enjoy things I like. We have Reiko and he's more than enough. I wish for more blessings and opportunities to come, but with what I have now, I honestly don't want anything more than to be with my family. 

I often get asked how I do it all. Crazy that some people think I'm a superhuman with all the things that I do! But what people don't know is that I DON'T DO IT ALL. I have a supportive and no BS husband who loves me and who is the only person I will be married to in my lifetime.  

And that's the story for today. 



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